Effete Musings

    I think about lesbians sometimes and their secret world of lesbian activities. Of course the internet is full of information about lesbians. But this information seems to focus on a rather small portion of their, no doubt, rich existences. Yes, lesbians like to cover one another with chocolate and lick it off each other, whilst the one being licked runs her manicured fingernails through her flowing mane of blond hair. Of course, lesbians are often surprised by other lesbians while studiously researching their college term papers, only to have their clothes removed and their derriers flogged with huge pieces of summer sausage. And, inevitably, the occasional lesbian will get caught in a menage a trois with two midgets, only one of whom is a fellow lesbian, the other being a heterosexual, male midget with a firehose and a very small fireman’s outfit, the likes of which I can’t imagine there being much of a demand for among fire departments, this one, no doubt, having been specially ordered by the midget in question or borrowed from a  friend who is a midget firefighter with roughly the same build.

    But what do lesbians do when they aren’t, you know, being lesbians. What do they eat for lunch and what kind of domiciles do they reside in. With whom do they find employment and where do they spend their summer holidays.  Is there perhaps some scarcely known tropical island where they converge in the summertime for midgets and term papers. And, if so, how do they make sure they have enough chocolate. And enough midgets!

    Such questions could boggle the mind for hour after hour and really aren’t worth getting too worked up about. If one is going to think about lesbians, it is best to do so as a kind of divertisement, enjoyed after an afternoon of chopping firewood and whilst sipping a glass of sherry.

    And so, If I am to think of lesbians, I think of them like this: Somewhere in the uncharted waters of the South Pacific is an island populated entirely by lesbians every year from July 15th to August 12th. A constant stream of midgets comes in by commuter hovercraft from the surrounding atols. Cocoa nuts are roasted and shelled by a colony of highly intelligent and, as yet, unclassified monkeys. The cocoa nuts are then fed to a giant volcano along with ample quantities of coconut milk to produce chocolate syrup. The bespectacled head lesbian comes up with a term paper theme every day, so everybody always has a term paper to be working on. Themes include, “The use of food as literary device in the works of D.H.Lawrence” and “Mahatma Ghandi, citizen-povacateur or provacateur-citizen?” And every year around the the first of August all the lesbians get together to gather coconut husks and assorted flotsam and jetsam from the island’s shoreline. The assorted materials are assembled to produce a giant summer sausage that then gets fed to the volcano. This is how I think about lesbians.