Effete Musings

Holy shit, what a week it’s been! One minute I’m just a regular American schmoe, or Joe, dick-deep in debt and the next well, you saw it! I must admit I was scared when the people on the T.V. started talking to me. You would be too! At first I thought it was just the pills and the eight beers, like that time I thought that funny fella from that “Will & Grace” show was eyeing me in that funny way. But no! This was for real! Johnny Mac and that one were talking straight at me through the screen and shit. Me! The only time a celebrity has ever talked to me was that time at Applebee’s when I told that old guy from Survivor that it was the fella in front of me, and not me, who stunk up the bathroom. And that guy seemed like a real dick. But these two president guys both seem pretty sweet. I don’t know much about Bohamas politics, but my wife says he reminds her of Denzel Washington. Or maybe it was that guy that played God in that one movie. I should ask Cheryl again, so I can tell him when I’m invited to the White House.
Yeah, I know, but my buddy George seems to think I can turn this crazy development into something pretty cool. Like, I could sell shit on Ebay and people would buy it! The newspapers said that there was another Joe the Plumber that they were actually talking to, but in my heart of hearts, I know it was me. I mean, I’m not a plumber really. That’s a nickname my buddies gave me because in my younger days I could “lay some pipe”, which is, of course, a funny way of saying that I screwed a lot. No, I’m actually unemployed at the moment. I was a sheet rock installer, which is something like a plumber. All I know is, I’m really honored that those guys thought to say such nice things about me. I’m not sure, but I got the feeling MacCain might have promised me some money, so if one of you taped it, could you maybe shoot it over to me so I can get to the bottom of that? In closing I would like to say two things. One, I hope this inspired kids to do good in life. If I can be a role model to kids it would make up for me kinda being a shitty father to my own kids. And two, go Bucs!